Dyke at the Top First published in Diva, February 2000 ©Katrina Fox 2000

©Millivres Ltd

KATRINA FOX meets Wanda Goldwag, joint supremo of Air Miles

If you thought you had to be a closeted, power-dressed super-femme to get to the top in business, 44-year-old Wanda Goldwag (pronounced Vanda Goldvag) is living proof that it's not true. Wearing not the slightest trace of make-up and sporting short-cropped hair and a pair of casual trousers, the joint acting MD of loyalty firm Air Miles welcomed me into her home in North London, which she shares with long-term partner Femi and three fluffy, portly cats.

One quality you do need as an executive though, is confidence, and that's something Goldwag is definitely not short of. She thinks it has something to do with the fact that she came out and had an affair with a female teacher at school when she was 16. 'I felt it was fine and normal and fabulous,' she says. 'But one of the things that made it difficult was that I was the more experienced and confident one and she was terrified - I suppose being around less-secure people made me feel I had to be confident.'

Even the hostile reaction of her very religious teachers didn't deter her from her Sapphic ways. 'They thought I was immoral and I felt their over-reaction was about their own doubts. I think many of them were closeted lesbians and although I don't think they did anything sexually, all their emotional energy went into young girls. They were probably scared I might expose them.'

Four years at the London School of Economics from the age of 18 boosted Goldwag's sense of her own identity even more. 'I ran the LSE gay society, was heavily involved with Sappho and CHE and was a volunteer for Lesbian and Gay Switchboard.' All of these things are listed under the 'hobbies' section of her CV. 'I was never in the closet for any job - not at any moment,' she says decisively. When asked if there was ever dream job where she considered waiting until she was in a post before coming out, she says: 'No, because it's not a dream job if you can't tell people.'

Letting people know you're a dyke before they hire you makes life a lot easier, Goldwag reckons. 'I made that decision because, for me, the personal is political, but it's also practical - if you do the sort of jobs I've done, where you're working sometimes 12 hours a day with people, to deny who you are and what you feel would be torture.' She admits that being so open on her CV may have cost her certain jobs, but insists that being upfront fromt eh start is best all round. 'Everyone who's hired me has had to go through the process of thinking "I'm about to hire a lesbian", and whether they do that with glee, or somewhat reluctantly, they've had to say "yes" - and that means they start with a relatively supportive attitude to you.'

This is not to say that there have been no negative situations. 'There have been a couple of times when I'm sure being a lesbian didn't help with things like promotion. I worked for six years with a travel agency, and it was made obvious to me that the next step up would have been director and that I wouldn't become one, although I think that may have been as much to do with the fact that I was a woman as it was to do with my being a lesbian.' But that's no reason for staying in the closet, insists Goldwag. 'It's a reason to be who you are, because it's much easier to challenge from a point of view of strength.'

Even if a firm has a problem with your lesbianism, that doesn't necessarily mean you won't be hired, as Goldwag found out when she worked for a large unit trust, Fidelity, when she was in her early 20s. 'The firm had no senior women, except one marketing director, so to have a lesbian as well was very difficult for them, but because I was immensely upfront with them from the start, they coped much better.' And having the right skills seemed to outweigh any potential homophobia. 'I don't think anyone actually sat down and said "we're going to balance out the fact that we desperately need her skills with the fact that she's obviously a screaming dyke", but I think they thought it in their heads,' says Goldwag.

Ironically, in some instances, Goldwag believes that being a lesbian helped her career. 'People think that because you're a lesbian, you won't pregnant - which is nonsense - but there's this assumption by employers that you won't have some of the "difficulties" that come with women.'

At Air Miles, a very progressive company which has more women than men on its board and is very happy for its acting MD to be a pin-up for Diva readers, Goldwag takes her girlfriend Femi to social events. 'Actually, I've done this for over 15 years at different firms,' she says. 'When you're as out as I am, people don't challenge you. What are they going to say? Very often I've been living with my partner longer than they've been living with their husbands and wives. No one's ever said to me "you can't bring Femi", and that's partly because they'd be scared to death of my reaction,' she laughs.

How to be out and happy in the workplace is all about attitude, according to Goldwag. 'It's the hiding, and the fact that people realise you are vulnerable when you hide, that causes problems. Over the past 20 years about 10 people have come out to me, but I've always felt very sad that they've then gone on to say, "don't tell anyone else and I'm scared". My view is that if you hide the fact that you are a lesbian, then you are effectively saying you are ashamed of it.'

Diva is the UK's national lesbian lifestyle magazine. For subscriptions and back issues visit their website at http://www.divamag.co.uk/diva/